Listening

Tonight i was reminded of two things. First, the truth about being in pain, and second how easy it is to write ourselves a script about our lives and stick to it. I talked to a person today and immediately her dead father of four years came through and started naming the people in her family and i was excited to give this women a lovely medium reading from the other side. It was clear however very quickly that this women had a different agenda or way that she wanted to connect with her father, and as i was talking she told her father to shut up and stop being so controlling and that she was in control now.  Well it doesn't take a psychic to realize that clearly her life had been a painful one under the control of her father and really she didn't care what i knew about him at all, she was still working through rage and disconnect. She was asking him through me if he remembered this and that, i tried to explain that her dad is with her and that there is no summoning needed, but the only word that worked was YES.

The perfectionist in me wanted to say, "hey, that's not how it works, you don't tell me i tell you", but that really wasn't what this women needed because she was in pain and by the way she was talking it was clear that she also didn't want or wasn't able to change the stuff coming out of her mouth or her script. I won't lie, at one point i asked if she was intoxicated because the sound of her voice was so distant and she was calling him names. but she said no. I choose to let her connect with him in whatever way she wanted and towards the end my patience was rewarded and a deceased grandma came through which distracted her and lightened her up and then she was able to hear somethings from her father including apologies and proof that he was near by.  She was asking for love and support from her deceased loved ones, but when ever that comfort was approaching she would shut it down and i realized that sometimes the story of suffering is so large in us that even the light can feel obtrusive, invasive and painful because it threatens the darkness we might live in.  Giving up states of being or ways of life even if we suffer in them can be difficult because it is truly like breaking away an identity.

I remember how hard it was for me to lose weight and change myself.  I would hold onto my big legs and cry because i was going to miss them, miss me, miss this persona and person that everyone knew.  I grieved over the losing of my old self, so afraid that i was losing my identity. Honestly at times losing over one hundred pounds was like going through an identity crisis.  I mean i wasn't really able to get over the hump, like below one hundred ninety pounds until after forty years of age.  Forty years is a long enough time to never change. It took a lot of telling the old voice to shut the F$#@ up! As i hung up with this dear women i prayed that someday the pain i heard in her voice, that this being caught between holding onto the experience of her dead father and creating a life experience not based on him would happen and that joy would replace the angst.  After all four years wasn't that long ago and everyone grieves, heals and transforms differently. Plus these abilities i have are not for me anyway. Listening is listening. The first step in connection is listening. Thanks for listening.

p.s. i do not miss the old me at all!!!!!



Leisa